Pre-exam post.

It's still a bit sad to know that Dimitri's not around anymore. ='( Haih. The tears are not there anymore, but the memories are.

This post is gonna be long because i don't think I'm gonna be updating anytime soon cause my first paper's next week!

I have to confess, I have a total girl-crush on Sophia Bush. I think she's such a hot, intelligent person and she's the only reason why I watch OTH nowadays. I love how she uses the word "Detrimental" and thinks that "being smart is sexy" in the video. I wanna be like that. Lol.

I am straight, thank you very much, but that doesn't mean I don't think a girl is hot when she's hot. I give credit where it's due. Lol.

Oh, my radio/CD player in the car has decided that it hates me cause it refuses to turn on. And for someone like me who MUST listen to something in the car (I burn a new CD practically every three weeks just so i don't get bored), the daily silence in the car is deafening.

Even turning on the songs on my phone doesn't help. I miss the randomness of changing the stations to find some random song that I might like. Yeah, I still can't stand Hitz and Fly, but changing between Mix, Red, BFM, Traxx and Capital FM is fun, cause you get to hear weird songs that usually won't be on Hitz and Fly. I love the fact that Mix and Red loves playing Savage Garden's To The Moon and Back.

So, yeah, I'm going through a withdrawal now. Pathetic, I know. I think it serves me right cause I always complaint about the radio having sucky songs. Now the radio is making me eat my own words. Karma sucks.

By the way, I went for an internship interview last week, and I got the call today to say that I am going to be doing the internship with them!!!!!! Happy happy joy joy!!!! Lol.

I was so proud of myself because the anxiety that usually sets in whenever I have to meet up with strangers wasn't there, and I managed to go through the interview quite flawlessly. I even managed to strike up a conversation with the interviewer about Dan Brown and how I managed to get the book for RM70 instead of RM100. Hehehehe.

This is a total improvement for me cause I really do have a problem talking to strangers. In fact, sometimes I still have to think of what to say to my friends before I open my mouth. Yeah, I'm not exactly a people's person.

Oh, Liyana was telling me the other day about how she watched this Korean tv shows and they were discussing how fairytales don't exactly have fairytale endings. And she was a bit shocked when I told her that I know some fairytales aren't like the ones told in the Disney movies.

So i told Liyana that in the original story, the old witch found out that Rapunzel was seeing the prince when her clothes started becoming tight around her belly:

In the first version of the Rapunzel story of the Grimms' Children Stories, Rapunzel wonders why her clothes are getting tight alluding that her daily meetings with the prince in the tower have resulted to pregnancy. This was deemed inappropriate for children and was removed from the later version. Similarly, Rapunzel is referred to as the "wife" of the prince to rule out any suspicion that her twins were born out of wedlock.

And how Sleeping Beauty woke up from her slumber because she was raped and gave birth to twins, and one of the twins sucked out the poisonous splinter from her thumb:

A rich nobleman was hunting in the woods when he ran across the abandoned body of Sleeping Beauty. Far from planting a kiss, the nobleman instead raped her sleeping body, from which resulted a pregnancy. Sleeping Beauty gave birth to two children and the forest fairies took care of them while Sleeping Beauty slumbered. Placing the babes to Sleeping Beauty’s breasts, one of the children accidentally mistook her thumb for a nipple and sucked out the poison splinter. Talia awoke from her deep sleep.

Months later, the nobleman decided to return to the woods to have more sex with Sleeping Beauty’s body when to his surprise, he found her awake. The nobleman confesses that he raped her and they again had sex in the barn. The nobleman then returns home to his wife.

The nobleman’s wife found out about the encounter and ordered the children be kidnapped and cooked alive. The cook prepared the fiendish disk and served it to the rich nobleman at his dinner. As the nobleman finished his meal, the wife announced “you are eating what is your own!”. Alas, as it turns out, the cook had a soft heart and instead of killing and cooking the children, he substituted a goat instead. Talia and the children lived happily ever after.

Disturbing, right?

Another disturbing fairytale is The Little Mermaid. She sacrificed everything for the prince (her voice, her tail, her home) but the prince eventually fell in love with another person and in the end the mermaid turns into foam. Joy.

Oh yeah. Original fairytales are scary. And morbid, too.

Okay. Need to go back to studying now. Haih. I hate exams.

Wish me luck! =)

I feel a loss, and it's breaking my heart into a million pieces.

Remember him, from this post?

I've always thought that he was going to live until he dies of old age.

So imagine how heartbroken I became this morning when Zara came knocking on my door and said "Kak Ya, Dimitri died".

I was in total shock, and I tried forgetting about that while I was studying today. I guess I was in denial the whole day. And I did manage to forget.

But during lunch it hit me that he wasn't going to be around again and when I told Liyana that Dimitri died, the tears started rolling down. Yeah, I cried in the Monash cafe. Luckily it was just the two of us at the time.

And when I got home just now and realised that he will never be there to greet me again whenever I get home, the tears came again.

Everyone in the house is feeling the loss. Even my dad texted me and said he couldn't believe that Dimitri died.

I still can't believe that my baby boy's gone.

I love you, baby and I am going to miss you so, so much. ='(

I hate the fact that when I raise my voice, I can reduce people to tears.

Life. Death. Everything In Between.

This is the grave of my brother, who was stillborn 18 years ago.

It's an open secret in my family. Everyone knows about it, but we rather not talk about it. Like whenever my parents get the chance to go back to Newcastle, we all know that they'll visit Azzim's grave.

This picture, which was taken on my parents' trip to England in April, and some others taken on the trip, are the only pictures that I've ever seen of the grave. I've never been to the grave myself.

I never thought about it, but after looking at the pictures, I know it must have been devastating for my parents to lose a child. My mum was eight months along, if I'm not mistaken, and just one day, the baby stopped breathing. I think I would have broken down if that happened to me. And to know that it happened to my own mother makes me wonder about my mum's strength.

My parents didn't stop trying. And exactly three years to the date of the loss of one son, my mum gave birth to my (only!!!) brother, Alias Iskandar Ashraf bin Azani on the 27th November 1994, who is healthy, and is doing his PMR right now. =)

Amazing coincidence? I don't think so. I feel like it was more like God's way of saying that instead of forever mourning the loss of one son, my parents should celebrate the life of another.

Oh yeah, I've always been fascinated with the name Afdzal Mikhail. I know that is what I'll name my baby boy. And it's interesting that the initials Afdzal Mikhail is the same as Azzim Malik, and funnily enough, Malik & Mikhail are both names of angels. The similarities didn't occur to me until I saw the pictures of the graves. So yeah, if I were to have a baby boy, his name will definitely be simlar to Azzim.

Coincidence again? Let's just say it was serendipity. =)

Prevention is better than cure.

My last cervical cancer vaccine jab, July 2008. Lol.

I've never been the biggest fan of our government. Sometimes I feel like they tend to talk the walk rather than actually walking the walk.

But I am totally advocating their move for Cervical Cancer Vaccination for 13-year-old Girls (from The Star).

I guess this is something that's quite close to heart for me because I got the vaccine jabs last year. And I remembered that my dad spent around RM400 per shot for Anis and I, and each one of us needed THREE shots. So yeah, prevention is WAS pricey.

The Star's article mentions that the Government will be spending RM150 million annually for the three jabs. Frankly speaking, I think it won't be a waste of the government's money, considering that:

• Cervical cancer is the second most common cancer among females in Malaysia after breast cancer
• The incidence of this cancer is 11.6 per 100,000 populations, with the age standardized rate of 16.2 per 100,000.
• It is estimated that approximately 440,000 new cases of cervical cancers occur worldwide annually, and 80% of these cancers occur in developing and undeveloped countries.
• The association of HPV (the organism that causes cancer of the cervix) with cervical cancer is very high, much higher than the association of tobacco smoking and lung cancer.
• The younger the age of the woman in indulging in sexual activity the higher is her risk to get HPV infection.

So yeah, although there are cases such as where a British girl dies after being vaccinated, the fact that the government is taking action by giving the vaccination to these girls when it would probably cost around RM1000 per person to do it privately is definitely something to be proud of.

Hence, even though I'm not directly affected by this news, I'm happy that the government has decided to introduce this vaccination program.

But I do wonder, since they are now supplying 13-year-old girls with these vaccines, do older girls get subsidies for the jabs? I mean, it would be so unfair if these girls are forced to pay so much just because they are older, especially for the girls coming from families that aren't so well-off.

Oh well. At least now I know that when I start paying income tax next year, at least I can tell myself that they may be using my money to cover the vaccine expenses. Lol.

And I just realised that this vaccination program cements the fact that yes, we women are high-maintenance. But not by choice. We were just born that way. Hahaha.

Popularity

I've never been a fan of stereotyping cause I've never conformed to any stereotype.

I mean, I wasn't nerdy enough to be the nerd, wasn't smart enough to be the genius, wasn't pretty enough to be the popular one, wasn't cool enough to be cool.

People never knew how to classify me. In fact, if you ask my classmates from school last time, when it comes to describing me they would usually just say "The smart budak lompat". Lol.

It took me some time, but I'm comfortable with being who I am right now. Like a friend of mine said, I've gone through my Mia Thermopolis moment. Lol.

My friends and I have never been in the popular clique but that was what exactly gave us the freedom for us to evolve, find ourselves and become the people that we are now. Quoting Ine, "We've changed for the better". So true. =)

So it baffles us that sometimes we see all these people who are still trying to hold on to their former popularity and people who would do just about anything to please the supposedly popular clique just so that they would become popular.

When you think about it, at our age right now, we're supposed to be adults. So sometimes I really wonder, is it really necessary to please people who might forget you two years down the road when you can spend those time improving yourself?

I'm not saying I've never tried pleasing these people. Believe me, I've tried. It's just too exhausting and pointless.

So now I've come to a conclusion that it's better to just be honest with yourself, do things that satisfies yourself and just surround yourself with people who you have seen you at your best and your worst.

But then again, some people might find self-satisfaction in being popular, so if that's the case, I have nothing else to say.

I guess in the end it's a case of to each his/her own. But maybe it's time for some of these people to wake up, think of themselves first and stop thinking about how to impress others.

I was browsing through my past posts and then I saw this pic, and I JUST HAD TO REPOST IT.

It was obviously photoshopped, but still, ROFLMAO.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I read this quote by a guy called Daniel J. Boorstin:

"Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. "

Now, ain't that the truth?

And Oh My God at THIS:
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm happy I was never a popular kid back in school, cause it gave me a chance to grow into the person that I am now, without people scrutinising my every move.

Yeah, very random thought.

Lol. =)