selfishness....is it bad?

I am soooooooooooo mad today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am going to use this post to vent out all of my frustration with the world and myself!

Everyone that knows me know that i love having my driving license and i love being able to drive, but for once, just once, i really wished that i had failed my driving test because i am so, so, so tired of being everyone's chauffeur. 5 out of the 7 days in a week i have to send my sister to tuition, 5 out of 7 days i have to go to college and over the weekend i am always, always driving someone somewhere. It was ok the first few months, but it is just so tiring nowadays, what more with exams just lurking round the corner. And the thing is, my siblings always take me for granted, knowing that i will be able to drive them everywhere. And i am hating myself right now for being so damn responsible and giving into their every demand. and right now tears are running down my face because i realised just how stupid i have been.

Take today, for example. My class finished at 10.00 am and i was back home by 10.40. My mum came back from work, saw me at home and made me send iskandar's stupid form to his school because he forgot to take it to school today and he might end up in a screwed-up secondary school if he doesn't submit the damn form by today. Anis finished late from school, so i went to pick her up from school because it was raining. her friend hitched a ride because of the rain and i sent her back. Later, anis n i went to KLCC to watch Failure To Launch and when the movie finished, we went to pick up iskandar from his friend, Iman's, house. Turns out iskandar n iman were not there because they went to a friend's house near our place. So i went to pick Is n Iman up. After that, Iskandar said he left his stuff in Iman's car, and that we have to go to the school because Iman's mum is picking up his siblings there. Iskandar said that he's going back with Iman's mum, so I dropped him off and I sent Anis to her friend's house. By the time i came back from sending anis to her friend's place, it was already past 7 oclock. As I sat watching the Semi-finals of the Thomas Cup (which Malaysia lost, 3-2, by the way :[ ), Iskandar called n said he was going to be a bit late because he's at Iman's house and the roads are all jammed up because of the heavy rain earlier. So I told him that I'll go and pick him up. Just before picking him up, I asked wani to call him again to say that we were on our way and he was like,"yeah, ok". 10 minutes and 7km later, less than a minute away from Iman's house,Wani called him again using my handphone and was told that he was already on the way home!!! that ticked me off soooooooo badly and in my already tired and unstable state, i started crying while driving back. my sisters who were with me inside the car got really scared because I was driving like a mad woman and I bet if there was a police roadblock happening just then, my license would have been taken away from me in a flash. What was worse was that when I got back home, Iskandar was sitting in front of the computer and when he said sorry, he didn't even take his eyes off the computer. I swear to God, if he wasn't my parents only son, he would be in the hospital right now. where i got my strength to restrain myself from doing anything to him...only God knows. Needless to say, I am NOT talking to him right now. I seriously need to buy a punching bag to vent out all of this anger inside me. but it might not work cos i might just destroy the bag when i'm angry. roar.

I really think I am underappreciated. I realised that none of my family members even said thank you when I drove them everywhere and sent them stuff today. I'm not asking for much. A simple thanks is enough for me. I want, need to know that my help was appreciated. I realised that most of the time, I put people's needs above mine but I have my needs too. Sometimes i just want to run away and just tend to my needs and not everyone else's. I sound selfish, right? But is it so wrong to be selfish once in a while? I have been good to everyone, and what do I get? nothing! even my allowance money is finished on petrol! I cant wait to start working and earning my own money so that i can go off for a vacation on my own without ripping the money out of my parents. or maybe I should find a boyfriend who can sponsor all my travelling expenses. Although the latter idea sounds more appealing, i know that the former idea's more realistic. better get the grades now....*sigh*

i have run out of things to say and putting everything down is making me sad again. I think i have a really bad case of PMS. And oh yeah, to top off a really sucky day, I lost my voice!!!!!!! what a day...and it's not even friday the 13th....I sound so pathetic today...ugh.