My 2009.

364 days ago, I blogged my New Year's Resolution, which was to (and I quote):

1. Smile more, cause I'm not that generous with smiles. LOL.
   
2. Lose weight. Enough said.
3. Donate blood. God, is it so hard for me to actually donate blood?
4. Be more active.
5. Stop worrying about everything.
6. Be friendlier.

Hahaha.

In 2009, I have managed to:

• Do Number 1, 2, 4 and 6. LOL. I know I've been more generous with my smiles this year. LOL. And yes, I have lost weight. I'm quite happy with my weight now. And i think I have been more active. I THINK. As for number 6, I'm proud to say that I've made new friends this year and I've opened up to some old ones. =)
• Travelled alone to Australia. First time I've ever travelled anywhere alone. And the longest I've been away from my family. Yep. 17 days is the longest to date that I've been away from my family. LOL.
• Gotten a new phone. AGAIN.
• Changed how I look. =) But if some people think that just because I look better now, they can approach me and think I'm gonna forget how they used to screw me over last time, they are so, so wrong. I'm still the same person I was before, except with straight hair. It's annoying how people think they can approach me now just cause I'm supposedly prettier. Eh, if you've never approached me back then, what makes you think I'm gonna talk to you now? Yeah, you know who you are.
• Gotten through an interview with confidence and without sounding like a total idiot. And ending up getting the job, too! =)
• Gotten through the suckiest semester I've ever had in Monash with my average marks (and dignity) still intact. =)
• Lose my baby boy. I love you so much, Dimitri. ='(

Actually, being able to wake up everyday is a mini-accomplishment, isn't it? LOL.

Here's to you, 2009. I'll miss you. =)

And here's to a great 2010 for everyone. Let's hope that every coming day will be better than the days before, but less than the days after. Like they say "More than yesterday, less than tomorrow". =)

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!

With my beloved friend and her boyfriend, both whom I know will forever have my back.

Cepat la kahwin.

LOL.

Taiping.

WARNING: Picture heavy post. Like more than 20 pictures. Seriously. Hahaha.

I got my paycheck todayyyyyyyyyyyyy. And they got my name right this time around!!!! YAY!!!!! =D

Oh, going to Taiping last weekend was fun, fun, fun!!!!! We walked around so much I think i could feel some pseudo-muscles building up in my calves. LOL.

Want to explain everything in detail, but I am just so lazy right now. Plus I tend to think and talk faster than I type, so it might be a bit hard for me to type everything down. Hahahaha.

Anyways, here are the pictures from the trip.

Basically from what I can see, our pictures from the trip is divided into two categories:

The pictures of the surrounding:

Basically these pictures are taken whenever someone says "Oh look at how pretty it is outside!" and someone with the camera will usually end up taking the picture of whatever it is outside that we find fascinating. Most of the pictures we took from both cameras are pictures like this. LOL. Looks nice to us, but might be a bit boring to others. Oh well. Whatever. To each their own! =)

This is actually the view of the sun rising from our house. I took this picture while I was waiting for everyone to pack their bags into the car. Nice right the view? =)

Random scenes from random places. =)

Funny story about this picture. We were going around some small road cause my dad wanted to explore something, and then because our car was so full of baggage, basically the suspension ended up scraping the road a bit. So we decided to get out and walk behind the car while my dad drove the car back to the main road. Yep, our mini adventure. Hahahaha.

I think I was skipping in the background. I think. LOL.

OMG. This picture says that the McD is 0 km away but the McD is actually TEN KILOMETRES AWAY! The 1 in front of the 0 has mysteriously vanished. Lol. My dad actually saw the sign that said the McD was TWENTY KILOMETRES away before we saw this one 10 km after that one.

I don't think I've EVER seen a sign that said "McDonald's: 20 KM"

Do you know that I can count like 8 McD's within a 10 km radius of my house??? I feel like such a spoilt city brat now. Omg.

On our way back to KL from Taiping, we took a detour to Kuala Kangsar to see my dad's alma mater, the (in)famous Malay College Kuala Kangsar.

And i can't believe I'm saying this, but if I were a boy of school-going age, I would have LOVED to be in MCKK, just for the history and nostalgia of it.

Oh yes. The horror. I can't even believe I even thought of that because everytime someone says "MCKK", I make this face because my dad talks about it CONSTANTLY.

But I kinda get it now la why those from MCKK talk about their school with so much pride. LOL.

2nd category: Pictures of us. LOL.

This was taken one hour into our drive to Taiping. I decided to forego my contacts that morning cause I wanted to try to sleep in the car. LOL.

OMG. We realised that we are such townies when we saw these huge keropok ubi kayu and got so excited cause the size of the keropok was bigger than our faces!

Yep. Quite embarrassing actually. Hahaha.

At the Taiping Zoo, waiting for the Night Safari. Don't I look like a ghost in the last picture? It's scary! -__-

Up Bukit Larut aka Maxwell Hill. Nope. Didn't go all the way up. Would've taken the whole day!!!! LOL.

But it was fun to climb up the hill, nonetheless. =)

Random pictures. =) Would love to post up more, but I feel like they're too many photos already!

Somehow I don't think I should post these up on Facebook. I feel a bit weird doing that, like these are too personal. Yeah. I know posting these here is just the same anyways, but no matter, feels like it's better here than on fb. LOL.

Okay people. Nitenite. I has work tomorrow.

Love loads! =)

Totally over-delayed post. LOL.

Sorry I haven't been blogging but I kinda can't blog about work and work has been practically all that I have been doing, so yeah, didn't have much to blog about.

Plus work tends to suck the soul out of you everyday, so by the time I come back every night, I usually don't have the energy to write about how mundane my day was. LOL.

And I've also said that I have this terrible mood swings when it comes to blogging. When I do it, I do it all the time. When I stop, it might take me months before I do it again!

But OMG. I'm into WEEK 5 NOW! I am SOOOOOO proud of myself for not thinking about quitting everyday. Some of the things are quite enjoyable, actually. Wait. I can't believe I've just said that!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I think working has really screwed up my mind. When Ine messaged me the other day and called me BB (we're both totally straight, by the way, in case anyone started wondering. LOL. But we do have girlcrushes!), the only thing I could think of is "OMG. BB = Balance sheet & income statement section!"

And when my sisters were pointing at leaves on the trees during our trip to Taiping last weekend, the only thing I could think of when they said LEAVES was whether I was eligible for paid leave since I'm only gonna be working for two months.

See. Work has really screwed with my mind.

And you know what's really annoying? I was so excited today to get my first paycheck, and then I saw that they've misspelt my name on the cheque. As usual.

So of course la they have to reissue another cheque. The thing is, the person who's supposed to sign the cheque won't be around until the 31st, so while everyone else will get their pay by then, I'll only be getting mine next week. Joy.

I felt like crying just now. And it's not helping that it's that time of month again. Haih.

Oh well. C'est la vie. Things like this always seem to happen to me though.

Would really love to write a post about my trip to Taiping with the family over the weekend, but as usual, my internet's connection is being a sloth, so I can't upload pictures from the trip right now and well, talking about the trip isn't the same as posting up some pictures from the 1000+ pictures that we took during the weekend.

Yep. We had 2 cameras, and ended up with more than a thousand pictures over the span of 3 days. Hahahaha.

PS: I really am beginning to wonder just how many silent readers I have now cause it's funny that some people do comment when I don't update. LOL.

PPS: I just saw THIS and I was wondering how WEIRD it would be to print out your blog posts into a book. I mean, if you really want to do that, shouldn't you just buy a diary in the first place? It would be much cheaper.

Quotes/questions.

Random questions/quotes from people this week:

Monday: "Why la did you go and straighten your hair? You had such nice curly hair" My dad's nurse, Sharon asked me while poking my arm to find a vein cause I had to do some blood tests. She's only the second person I know (next to my brother) who misses my old hair. Feels weird. I mean, I like my new hair, but it's nice to know that there were fans of the old hair. But I think I'll still be the same person even if I was bald. Lol.

Tuesday: "Eh, you mixed eh Alia?" asked one of my fellow interns in the office while we were sitting down after lunch. I still get confused when people asked me whether I'm mixed or not. I have gotten comments that I don't look pure Malay. But then again, how do you define a Malay face? I'm curious to know which part of my face doesn't look Malay. Hahaha.

Wednesday: "Eh, asal you dah putih? Ni takleh jadi ni! You pakai bedak kan???" asked Edir, (Liyana's boyfriend) when he picked us up from the office. I think it must have been the colour of my clothes that made me look pale, cause I had just prayed before he picked us up and I was too lazy to wear makeup on my face cause no one was gonna see it anyways, so if my face was as fair as he think it was, it must have been the light playing illusions on him.

December!!!!

I had my first day at work today. It wasn't a total disaster, but couldn't do much work today because of some technical difficulties (we were supposed to be doing our work on the co's laptops, but we're only getting the laptops tomorrow. LOL.).

Remember THIS post? I really want to give those people a piece of my mind, because out of the 20-something interns, I think around 40% of us are Malays. None of us seem to mind that we're not in a Malay-dominated workplace. In fact, only Sham, Liyana and I are Malays from "private" unis. The rest are public uni students.

I guess I won't be talking much about work on the blog cause it'll be so weird if any of the people from the company accidentally stumbles onto the blog. LOL.

Oh, anyways, there will always be random things you learn when you're a dad's a doctor. Like how I learnt today that there is this condition called Situs inversus, where the person's internal organs are actually transposed from their normal positions. Like how the heart, instead of being of the left side of the body, is located on the right side. The appendix is also inverted, and basically all the internal organs in the body will be the EXACT mirror of a normal person's organs.

Intriguing, huh? And the thing is, my dad has actually had a patient who has this condition!

So yeah, random fact of the day. LOL.

Spur-of-the-moment.

This was taken in Putrajaya using my phone. Sorry for the bad quality. LOL. This trip has got to be one of the randomest trips we've ever taken as a family.

What happened was that my younger siblings wanted to go for a drive cause they were bored. I opted out, but in the end, since everyone was going, I went along la. Knowing that our late-night drives usually means that we'll be going around KL looking at lights and just staying in the car, I just wore a T-shirt and a pair of shorts that I would not be seen in public with.

By the time we were all in the car, it was already around 10 o'clock. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to go somewhere far cause it felt so nice sitting in the car. So I asked my dad, instead of just going around the Bukit Bintang area like we always do, why don't we go somewhere further.

When my dad asked me where, I said I didn't know. LOL.

And then one of the girls said "Let's go Putrajaya!"

My dad was hesitant la. And then it just so happens that when we stopped at a traffic light, I noticed that car beside us had the number plate PUTRAJAYA. I told my dad about it and Anis said "It's a sign, Papa. Let's go to Putrajaya"

So yeah, guess where we ended up at eleven o'clock at night?

On the way to Putrajaya, my dad stopped by a petrol station to refuel and he bought us Lipton Green Teas & Ice Teas.

I SWEAR to you that Iskandar, Wani, Anis and I got high on those things.

We were giggling and talking nonsense all the way on the Maju Expressway until we got to Putrajaya. I kid you not.

And just my luck, after I finished off one bottle of the drink, I had the sudden urge to go to the toilet AFTER we've gone past the rest area. Typical.

And then when I told everyone in the car "Can we stop somewhere? I need to go to the toilettttt", Iskandar and Wani started saying the dreaded F and S words: Flush and Sprinkler.

Oh, they also pointed out that the Putrajaya Lake is a large body of water, using numerous ways to make me laugh, and pointed out that we went past a few fountains that were gushing out water. They did all this while I was trying to NOT think about going to the toilet. Evil children.

When we were near the Putrajaya mosque, I was mortified when my mum said "Alia, it looks like you might have to go to the toilet at the mosque". Not only was I not wearing a scarf, I was wearing SHORTS. -__-

Luckily just before the mosque, I spotted the universal stick-figure-wearing-a-dress sign and I almost screeched at my dad to stop the car.

So after that, we stopped at the Dataran and took those silly pictures above. All the people there were dressed decently and there we were in our baju tidur. It felt somewhat liberating, though. LOL.

We were obviously still high on sugar at that time.

But you know what was funny? On the way back, everyone suddenly felt so tired and we were quiet the WHOLE journey. And then it dawned on us that when we were going, we were feeling the effect of a sugar high and that on the way back we were feeling the effects of a sugar crash.

Oh yeah, too much of a good thing CAN be bad for you. LOL.

Yep. I love my family. They're random and impulsive, just like me. =)

Raya Haji

This is a picture of my family and I, taken in the same clothes as in THIS post cause my dad wasn't satisfied with the pictures from that day, so decided to take some pictures for the family album.

But this is not one of the "official" family portraits. This one is special cause I was telling how funny it would be if we took a picture where we arrange ourselves according to our heights.

My dad thought it was a good idea, so lo and behold, this is how the picture turned out.

And yes, I now have photographic proof that I am related to a bunch of giants who seem to think that I am vertically-challenged. LOL. Only reason I look slightly taller than Dina (in the glasses) is bacause I was wearing heels.

Yep, my dad took random videos of us making fools of ourselves. AGAIN. Nope, not posting them up this time around. Hahahaha.

Oh, by the way, two people close to me are now proud owners of BlackBerrys and they have been trying to influence me into buying one. I'm hesitant la about buying a BB cause of the contract that I'll be tied up to and also cause the last time I check, phones NEVER seem to last more than a year with me, and I'm supposed to commit myself to this phone for two years. So when i told Anis about it, she gave me the best advice, where she said, "Kak Ya, do not conform. Your phone's good enough. You don't have to succumb to peer pressure". Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the elder one in the family. LOL.

So yeah, best advice ever. I shall not conform and I shall remain uncool. Hahahaha.

Huh, I guess I do have a rebellious streak in me. What a scary thought.

PS: Happy 15th Birthday, Abang! =) Sorry we couldn't have a proper celebration for you. -_-

In reference to THIS post, proof that I was not exaggerating and that this 8-year-old girl is gonna shoot past me soon enough.

I'm bored, hence all these random posts. Plus I'm gonna start working next week, so no time to post up anything anymore. Might as well just overdo it now. LOL.

Oh, I was reading The Star during breakfast this morning, and then Zara came and sat next to me. She read some of the headlines and then she saw THIS article:

Man's penis and testicles severed, injured woman found at scene

And then she asked me, "Kakya, what are penis and testicles?"

Omg. I almost choked on my food. -_-

Kenapa Melayu mesti kolot?

Liyana called me just now to say that she has something she wanted to tell me, but she warned me that I might be a bit stressed out after she told me the story.

So yeah, I just listened to her while she told me the story la. Oh yeah, I did end up becoming stressed afterwards, and thus I am venting out my frustrations in this post.

She told me how she went and met up with a few of her friends from school the other day and after they talked for a while, inevitably their talk shifted to the topic of working.

So they were asking Liyana where she'll be working during the holidays and so she told them la.

What surprised Liyana (and me, when she told me the story) was her friends' reactions.

They actually said something like "Kenapa tak cari kerja kat the Big Four macam KPMG or EY? Kat situ lagi ramai Melayu. Susah la kerja kat tempat ramai orang Cina macam BDO. Nanti diorang will look down on you sebab you Melayu". Or something to that effect.

And then Liyana asked me "Please tell me, how was I supposed to react to that?"

I seriously didn't know what to say. So I told her, if I were in her position, I would have just been stunned that those words came out of their mouth. But I told her what my reply would be, "I nak kerja kat BDO sebab I nak dapat experience. And kalau diorang nak treat me badly, I kisah apa. It's part of the experience. Not everyone's going to treat you well. You just have to adapt la. That's what working is all about. Adapting."

And she told me that her reply to her friends was something similar to what I had in mind, but less blunt la. LOL.

So Liyana was saying that she didn't know what to make out of her friends' remarks. Was she supposed to be demotivated that she didn't get into the Big Four? Or scared cause they might treat us badly for being Malays? She was just confused la, basically. I don't blame her. I would be confused too by those remarks.

And that's when Liyana and I started comparing her friends' reactions with the reactions that we got from our Monash friends (who are all Malay, mind you): When we told our Monash friends that we got the internship at BDO, they were all so supportive of us and most of them remember that we're starting the internship on the 1st of December and they want to hear about our internship experience.

NONE of them even thought about any racism or prejudism that might happen when we start our internship.

In fact, when Liyana and I thought of it, we're actually more worried about the fact that we might have to come back late rather than the fact that we're going to be working with Chinese people. The thought of them treating us differently because of our race NEVER EVEN CROSSED OUR MIND, GODDAMMIT.

To put it into perspective, when I went for the interview, I was in there with 3 other Chinese girls and the interviewer did not treat me any differently from the other girls. NEVER did the question of race ever propped out during the whole interview, even though it was blatantly obvious that I'm not Chinese.

If they really want to discriminate us as Malays, they could have just not accepted our resumes. Or they could have rejected us after the interview. Or just interviewed us Malays together. But they did none of these, so I'd like to think that all of the interns coming in are on equal footing.

So I just told Liyana to not think too much into this because once the seed is planted in our heads that we might be discriminated, we'll stop acting like ourselves and either become too timid or start trying too hard to please people, and hence people WILL discriminate us.

So yes, I am annoyed that there are still people our age who have the mindset that "Oh, you shouldn't work here just because it's full of people who aren't from your race."

Sometimes I feel like giving these people a nice big slap in the face so that they'll break out of their tiny constrained mindset. Not only is it an insult to the Chinese people when these people think that working with Chinese people are bad, it's also an insult to Malays like me who are trying to better ourselves by taking small risks.

I feel like most Malays are afraid of failure, and hence they tell themselves that they are satisfied with being where they are, with no intentions whatsoever of improving themselves.

We Malays should actually take a leaf out of the Chinese's book and look into their work ethics, where they are constantly trying to improve themselves. They're also willing to take risks and aren't afraid of failures, hence they are more likely to be successful.

I am so thankful for many things right now. I'm thankful that:
- I'm in a place like Monash, where they teach us to aim for the sky and try our best in everything we do. And that as hellish as Monash is, it has kinda prepared me for the stress that will definitely come in the future.
- I am surrounded by friends whose mindsets are similar to mine. I've come to realised how important it is to surround yourself with people who understand you.
- My ambition is on track and that I actually have an internship to look forward to this holidays.
- I have a supportive family who are proud that I have gotten this internship.

Yeah, I might sound like a Melayu murtad, but seriously, if being a Malay is about living in fear that people from different races will try to sabotage you at every turn you take, then I'd rather not be known as a Malay.

Now I see why what they say Malays are bodoh sombong. If this is the kind of attitude that Malays have, we will go nowhere.

Niat kita nak cari gaji halal. Cari kerja pun cara halal. Biar lah kalau kena discriminate pun. As long as our mind is true, intentions are true and what we're doing is not illegal, it doesn't matter right whether I work with Malays or non-Malays?

Hence, I refuse to be poisoned by these prejudism.

God, I am SO annoyed. And it's now 2 o'clock in the morning. JOY.

PS: Now I understand why Anis said this: "Kakya, you better watch your mouth. Nanti kena detain under ISA baru tau". Haih. I can be so scary when something ticks me off.

My brother's birthday is on Friday. Pity him la cause it falls on Hari Raya Haji. LOL.

He wants a PSP or PS3 for his birthday. -___-

My parents' 25th anniversary is on the 1st of December.

I've gotta buy them something too, right?

Now, there is this slight problem, whereby,

I DON'T HAVE MONEY. -_-'

Haih.

PS: No, I am not gonna buy Iskandar his PSP. That one he has to persuade my parents. Art supplies I can consider. But a PSP that I can't use? No way man. I don't even spend that much on MYSELF for my birthday.

PPS: What do you get your parents for their 25th anniversary when you have no money?

PPPS: I'm gonna start my internship on their anniversary. Joy.

PPPPS: Don't ask me why there are too many post-post-post-post scripts in this post. LOL.

Curses.

Warning: if you never heard about the Italian Man Who Went to Malta, this might be a bit vulgar. Seriously.

This particular clip is sooo funny though. I've heard the audio clip before, but I've never actually seen this video, and it is so hilarious cause it goes so well with the audio clip.

But what really shocked me is the fact that Zara has seen this video, AND that it was shown by her friend AND that these little girls actually understood the whole thing.

I'm not really trying to be a prude, but I really don't think that 8-year-old girls should be watching this. I really don't like the fact that these kids are getting exposed to things like this at such a young age. I mean, I didn't even know what the F-word meant until I was 11.

I didn't even know that the word Bitch existed until I was in Standard 6 and my English teacher was comparing the words that are used to describe female and male animals, and when she asked "What do you call a female dog? It's a bad word", the words just drew blank stares from us.

Even when she said "Bitch! A female dog is a B-I-T-C-H!" in exasperation, the innocent kids that we were just stood staring at her. I know most of us were thinking at the time "Why is the word bad?"

So yeah, even though times has changed, I still don't think it's appropriate for someone her age to actually understand what those words actually mean. I try not to curse in front of her (and God knows how hard it is for me to stop cursing when I'm at the wheel) just because I don't think it's appropriate for someone like her to hear all those bad words (fine, it's not appropriate for ANYONE to hear such words coming out from my mouth. LOL.).

And I just wonder, am I just being overly protective in trying to preserve her innocence? Suddenly I feel like a mother who's losing her child to the world. Haih.

The world nowadays scare me. I really don't want my children later to grow up understanding these words at such a young age. ='(

Maybe I should think of that the next time I feel like cursing.

GOSH DARN IT. Lol.

OMG. THIS! It is soooo spot on! I can so relate to this.

Gosh darn it. Or what the fish. LOL. It's hard okay cause sometimes the curse words just come out. Especially when I'm with the girls. Whoops.

Yesterday I went for Acap's sister's wedding in Melawati. The place was really nice for a wedding. I mean, I was pleasantly surprised to know that such a place existed in Melawati. The hall wasn't such a big hall, but it was nice, nonetheless. Made the ceremony more intimate. And it was so cold inside there. So as usual, the tips of my fingers got so cold, it felt like I was getting frostbites. LOL.

But it was so weird seeing my friends from Monash in the Melawati area. And it was weird, too, for me to be my friends' designated guide to the wedding. LOL.

So anyways, when my brother asked me where I was going, I told him "my friend's sister's wedding."

And then Anis, who was going with me, said to him, "You know where I'm going? My sister's-friend's-sister's wedding. Actually, it can also be my best friend's-brother's-best friend's-sister's wedding."

Confusing? Yeah, that's what happens when everyone comes from the same school. Eventually there'll be an apparent six degree of seperation situation. LOL.

Oh, by the way, Zara was hugging me just now and I am seriously beginning to feel like I am the only vertically-challenged person among my siblings because that 8-year-old girl now stands at my shoulders.

I'm JUST a head taller than her! At the rate she's going, by the time she's 12 she'll be taller than me. What the hell. -___________-

I really don't mind my height cause when I wear heels, I don't tower over (most!) people. Plus most of my friends are around my height anyways.

But I still have problems with people comparing my height with those of my siblings, especially when it's something like "Oh, the elder one is smaller than the younger one". I really don't need people to state the obvious. I see my siblings everyday, hence I am quite aware that they are bigger and taller than me.

And you know what's so ironic about this?

The name ALIA means rising or ascending. And sublime. And even the HIGHEST.

Which is obviously that's not true about my height.

But I guess it's sort of true, still, cause I'm the highest in standing among my siblings. LOL.

Obsessed!

I am suddenly so OBSESSED with this song. I think it must have something to do with me attempting to sing this song masa karaoke and realising that I was so off-key cause I haven't heard this song in ages. LOL. I miss old Malay songs. They're so much better than the current songs!

Yeah, I can see how weird this is, coming from me. Lol.

Nepotism.

One day last week, my grandmother (my dad's mom) asked me about my job cause my dad told her that I'm going to be doing my internship this holidays. So I was telling her how I got into an audit firm and what sort of work I might be doing and stuff. And then she asked me something that somehow managed to irritate me.

She asked me whether my uncle (my mom's youngest brother) had helped me in getting the job.

I don't know why, but I felt somewhat insulted that she felt that I had to ask my uncle for a job.

Granted, my uncle is the Executive Director and Head of the Alliance Investment Management Berhad (which I just found out 5 minutes ago after looking at the Alliance Bank website. LOL.), but I want to see whether I can find work on my own, without having the burden of someone's reputation on my shoulders.

In fact, when I told my uncle that I got the job at BDO, he was like "Oh, that's good cause they're up-and-coming and they'll give you some real experience in auditing. Not like the Big Four" and he sounded genuinely happy and proud of me that I got the job. That's what I love about him. He's always been supportive with what I've done. In fact, he was the one who told me take up Econometrics instead of Finance as my major in Monash.

My back-up plan has always been to do an internship with him if I couldn't get a job on my own, but now I've come to realise that nepotism is really a double-edged sword. See, if I manage to excel when I work under him, people would be saying "Of course she'll do well. She's Nik Azhar's niece." or if I somehow manage to screw things up, people will start commenting on how badly I'm doing, and it will inevitably affect my uncle's reputation, too.

So yeah, even though nepotism is the norm in Malaysia (especially in the Malay culture), I'd rather not have it hanging over my head.

I'd like to start from scratch, where my success will be mine and where my failures would not taint anyone else's reputation.

Call it pride or arrogance if you may, but I'd like to think of it as INDEPENDENCE.

Number one priority in being an auditor: You have to be independent. So I better start now, right? Like they say, no time like the present. Lol.

Nostalgia.

Cute, right? =) I think i must have been about seven/eight months old at that time.

I went over to my grandparents house today because they wanted to give me old pictures that they found of us back when we were younger. My parents loved taking pictures of Anis and I back when we were younger so that they could send it back to the grandparents. Lol. So the first picture my grandmother showed me was this particular picture, which was nicely in a frame because it was quite a huge picture. I was caught speechless looking at it and my grandfather teased me and said "Look at how pretty you WERE in that picture".

Thanks Tok Ayah. I feel so much better now. Really I do.

But I love this picture!!!! It's now being proudly displayed on my bedside table. Hehehe.

So my aunt and I were going through the pictures and we went "Oooohhhh" and "ahhhh" at most of them while my grandma were narrating the events in the pictures.

Until she came across something that almost made me had a heart attack.

It was a picture TWO pictures of MY DAD BATHING ME. Granted, I was like a month old in the picture, but oh my God, I did not need a picture of my naked baby body shown to the world. So while my grandma was proudly talling my aunt and my grandfather "See this? Which father would actually bathe their baby daughters?", I was just mortified by the fact that I have NAKED BABY PICTURES.

And then, as if THAT wasn't mortifying enough, my grandfather actually said this, "Alia, maybe you should ask your papa why he doesn't bathe his daughter anymore." What the hell. -__-

Even if that was a joke, it didn't make it any less mortifying.

But what I found really interesting was that behind some of the pictures, either my mum and dad would scribble some narrations for the pictures. Like in these pictures below, they wrote:

"Having a dip in Ullswater Lake in the Lake District"

"Alia has acquired her Papa's love for cars. Here, she'll stay by any car parked in our driveway to have a peep at the activities inside." (BTW, I'm not that fascinated with cars nowadays. Lol.)

"Taken in May, 1989 at 71, Beatty Avenue"

"Taken in Feb, 1991. Anis is two months old here"

"Photo taken in March, 1991. Anis is 3 months old. Her eyes are a light shade of brown, and she now has a bubbly chuckle." I look so bored in this picture. Lol.

I love looking at the baby pictures cause it was so funny to see how extroverted I was back when I was a toddler. Lol.

Holidays! =)

I still heart Delta, even after all this years! Lol. I especially love the high note at 3.42 to 3.53.

In reference to the previous post, the paper turned out to be better than I expected (I can sense the "I-told-you-so's" from those who are reading this). But studying for that was quite mad. I was so stressed out that Wednesday night in Monash, at one point I actually ended up laying on the desks while reading notes. Yep. What a sight. Lol.

But now exam's over! And I'm on holidays until the 1st of December, when I start my internship. =)

I've already started indulging yesterday by eating Mexican food at Las Carretas!

And I had ice-cream, too. Twice. In one day. Which is practically unheard of. Lol.

Oh, and the people I hung out with yesterday were great company! So yesterday was definitely a nice start to the hols.

Anyways, this morning when I woke up, I realised that one thing I really want to do this holiday is to actually go and donate blood, because everytime I want to donate blood, something will definitely come up.

I've actually contemplated going to the National Blood Center but I'm scared that if I do go there alone, I might not be able to drive back after donating the blood. But then again, it's only like a 5-minutes drive from my house. It's ironic isn't it that I'm not afraid of the needle, but afraid of the drive home. LOL. Let's see how it goes.

But I really do want to go and donate blood. I've been wanting to do it for years! Don't ask me why. I just feel like it's something that I should do. I think those who have been reading this blog for a long time would know that I have always complained about not being able to donate blood due to unfortunate timing/circumstances. Please pray it'll happen this time around!

Oh, I realised one random thing about myself yesterday while I was talking to Natnat. Instead of saying "I haven't", I tend to say "I've not", and it's so funny cause I'm not quite sure where I picked up the expression from. Yeah. Very random. LOL.

Today.

12.15 AM: Got back home from Monash. Took a bath and prayed.

1.00 AM: Slept.

1.30 AM: Woke up. The room was too hot. Turned on the air-cond.

2.30 AM: Room was too cold. Turned off air-cond.

3.30 AM: Woke up and went SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, haven't finished studying.

5.30 AM: Couldn't be bothered to pretend to sleep anymore. Woke up and started worrying like nobody's business. Seriously thought of deferring the paper.

6.30 AM: Screw this paper. I'm just gonna do it.

I've never been this way when it comes to exams. What the fuck. I hate this paper. Wish me luck.

During the Kelantan-Negeri Sembilan match, I was like:

First 10 mins: "GOMO KLATE GOMO!"

When the Kelantan fans started becoming rowdy: "Bo la buat kenat. Bakpo la jadi lagu ni."

Negeri's first goal: "Saya buke oghe Klate. Saya oghe Ingle." (I'm not Kelantanese, I'm English. LOL.)

Final result: "BAKPO KLATE BAKPO?????" =(

Yeah. I was muttering to myself in Kelantanese the whole match. And I rarely speak Kelantanese in public, mind you. Even with my cousins I don't talk Kelantanese.

But at least now Arsenal leapfrogged Man Utd in the Premier League table, so I'm still happy. Lol.

Oh, I realised that last weekend, I had four days to study for my papers on the 11th and 12th. (Auditing and Accounting Theory). I had the choice of either:

• Using most of my time to study for Audit, get a Distinction for that, but then I'd end up ditching Theory and might fail that stupid paper. Or,
  
• Study Theory and try to pass my paper, but then I won't have enough time to cover everything for Audit and hence might not get the most marks I could.
  

Obviously I went for the latter. I just hope what I've managed to study would be enough. I hate opportunity costs. =(

OMG. I've just notices that this post would be my 281st post.

What the helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

This blog has been in existence forever then.

Maybe I should change to another blog.

Oooohhhh, I should do that when the posts number reach 300!!!

Then I shall change the blog name to something more grown-up sounding like aliaazani.blogspot.com or something like that la. LOL.

"sugaholic" was sooooo three years ago. Hahahahahahaha.

Yep, the stress is getting to me. I can't even talk in coherent sentences anymore these past few days.

And I realised I have the tendency to either have too many posts or not post anything at all when I'm stressed out.

Good thing about this blog is that there aren't many people that are reading it. Although I realised that I do have those occasional silent readers. I can't understand what makes my post so intriguing, though. Dah la I sound like a bimbo in my posts most of the time nowadays.

Okay, back to studying. URGH.

I don't know why, but today's paper was ridiculously ridiculous.

I have been on track every single week for this unit.

I have been studying for this unit like mad these past few days.

And then the paper turned out like SHIT.

I know I still have a chance at getting Distinction, but oh dear God, I felt so stupid after the paper. I actually abandoned a question halfway because I just couldn't get it. When the invigilators took the paper away, I just sat there, my mind blank.

After the paper, most of us went to eat at Papa John's and that was nice la cause I didn't have to pay since Acap owed both Kacip and I, so we both got free dinner. Lol. Thanks Acap.

But after the dinner, in Liyana's car, when the last of the adrenaline from the day wore off, I started becoming slightly depressed. I just felt such disappointment, like all of my effort has gone to waste.

And then I told Liyana "I wish I had a boyfriend right now. I just want a guy who can be supportive when I'm feeling down like this" I mean, I was listening to her talk with her boyfriend and I know it must be nice for her to have that someone to talk to when she's stressed out.

It didn't help that when I got home, the first thing Anis asked was "How was your paper?"

So while I was complaining to her, I think the stress of the last few days kinda exploded and I ended up shedding a few tears. I hate the fact that it's so easy for me to cry nowadays.

I think I'm feeling the effects of a burnout.

I am just so tired of everything right now. And I still have two more papers.

I am so scared.

I have been feeling so anxious the whole day. I've been pacing around my room non-stop , trying to calm myself.

It's funny that I'm feeling the anxiety. I mean, it's not like I've never had exams before.

BUT I AM STILL SO BLOODY SCARED.

Oh My God.

I feel like hyperventilating right now.

See that? That was me two days ago. My room was extra cold that night so I wrapped my quilt around myself and ended up looking like a giant burrito (in Alwani's words). What stress does to you. Lol.

Wisdom is painful.

I think my wisdom tooth is coming out.

I've been feeling the pain for a few days already, but yesterday was the WORST. The pain was ridiculous. I ate 2 Panadol Actifast tablets and the pain only numbed down for an hour. ONE HOUR. What the hell. Luckily there were some Arcoxia around, so I had that later on and it seems to work. The pain's more bearable today.

I was in so much pain yesterday I ended up watching Zeitgeist again and started thinking about whether the US Federal Reserve is really as screwed-up as the documentary portrayed. Yeah, I watched that cause there was nothing interesting on TV. Weird, I know.

Liyana came to study and she slept over last night. I feel so bad for her cause I couldn't study much because the pain was making it so hard to concentrate. But I think i ended up entertaining her when she watched the Arsenal - Tottenham match with me cause I tend to get really excited whenever I watch football. Lol.

When she saw me in pain, she asked her mum and her boyfriend on what to do and somehow they both gave the same answer, which was to put a cotton wool soaked with minyak cap kapak IN THE MOUTH. I was like, "NO!!!!!"

So i did a more conventional way of lessening the pain, which was to gargle saltwater. And then I put some minyak geliga that my mum gave me, and applied it on the outside of my cheek and around my jawline. Kinda helped, but the throbbing was still there. GAH.

Sleeping last night was literally a nightmare. I kept on being woken up by the throbbing in my mouth and I can feel it all the way to my ear. Liyana kept on asking me "You okay tak ni?" Like I said, I felt so bad for her. =(

They said that you'll get your wisdom tooth when you're "old enough to have supposedly gained some wisdom".

If this is what you have to go through to become wise, I'd rather be stupid all my life.

Pre-exam post.

It's still a bit sad to know that Dimitri's not around anymore. ='( Haih. The tears are not there anymore, but the memories are.

This post is gonna be long because i don't think I'm gonna be updating anytime soon cause my first paper's next week!

I have to confess, I have a total girl-crush on Sophia Bush. I think she's such a hot, intelligent person and she's the only reason why I watch OTH nowadays. I love how she uses the word "Detrimental" and thinks that "being smart is sexy" in the video. I wanna be like that. Lol.

I am straight, thank you very much, but that doesn't mean I don't think a girl is hot when she's hot. I give credit where it's due. Lol.

Oh, my radio/CD player in the car has decided that it hates me cause it refuses to turn on. And for someone like me who MUST listen to something in the car (I burn a new CD practically every three weeks just so i don't get bored), the daily silence in the car is deafening.

Even turning on the songs on my phone doesn't help. I miss the randomness of changing the stations to find some random song that I might like. Yeah, I still can't stand Hitz and Fly, but changing between Mix, Red, BFM, Traxx and Capital FM is fun, cause you get to hear weird songs that usually won't be on Hitz and Fly. I love the fact that Mix and Red loves playing Savage Garden's To The Moon and Back.

So, yeah, I'm going through a withdrawal now. Pathetic, I know. I think it serves me right cause I always complaint about the radio having sucky songs. Now the radio is making me eat my own words. Karma sucks.

By the way, I went for an internship interview last week, and I got the call today to say that I am going to be doing the internship with them!!!!!! Happy happy joy joy!!!! Lol.

I was so proud of myself because the anxiety that usually sets in whenever I have to meet up with strangers wasn't there, and I managed to go through the interview quite flawlessly. I even managed to strike up a conversation with the interviewer about Dan Brown and how I managed to get the book for RM70 instead of RM100. Hehehehe.

This is a total improvement for me cause I really do have a problem talking to strangers. In fact, sometimes I still have to think of what to say to my friends before I open my mouth. Yeah, I'm not exactly a people's person.

Oh, Liyana was telling me the other day about how she watched this Korean tv shows and they were discussing how fairytales don't exactly have fairytale endings. And she was a bit shocked when I told her that I know some fairytales aren't like the ones told in the Disney movies.

So i told Liyana that in the original story, the old witch found out that Rapunzel was seeing the prince when her clothes started becoming tight around her belly:

In the first version of the Rapunzel story of the Grimms' Children Stories, Rapunzel wonders why her clothes are getting tight alluding that her daily meetings with the prince in the tower have resulted to pregnancy. This was deemed inappropriate for children and was removed from the later version. Similarly, Rapunzel is referred to as the "wife" of the prince to rule out any suspicion that her twins were born out of wedlock.

And how Sleeping Beauty woke up from her slumber because she was raped and gave birth to twins, and one of the twins sucked out the poisonous splinter from her thumb:

A rich nobleman was hunting in the woods when he ran across the abandoned body of Sleeping Beauty. Far from planting a kiss, the nobleman instead raped her sleeping body, from which resulted a pregnancy. Sleeping Beauty gave birth to two children and the forest fairies took care of them while Sleeping Beauty slumbered. Placing the babes to Sleeping Beauty’s breasts, one of the children accidentally mistook her thumb for a nipple and sucked out the poison splinter. Talia awoke from her deep sleep.

Months later, the nobleman decided to return to the woods to have more sex with Sleeping Beauty’s body when to his surprise, he found her awake. The nobleman confesses that he raped her and they again had sex in the barn. The nobleman then returns home to his wife.

The nobleman’s wife found out about the encounter and ordered the children be kidnapped and cooked alive. The cook prepared the fiendish disk and served it to the rich nobleman at his dinner. As the nobleman finished his meal, the wife announced “you are eating what is your own!”. Alas, as it turns out, the cook had a soft heart and instead of killing and cooking the children, he substituted a goat instead. Talia and the children lived happily ever after.

Disturbing, right?

Another disturbing fairytale is The Little Mermaid. She sacrificed everything for the prince (her voice, her tail, her home) but the prince eventually fell in love with another person and in the end the mermaid turns into foam. Joy.

Oh yeah. Original fairytales are scary. And morbid, too.

Okay. Need to go back to studying now. Haih. I hate exams.

Wish me luck! =)

I feel a loss, and it's breaking my heart into a million pieces.

Remember him, from this post?

I've always thought that he was going to live until he dies of old age.

So imagine how heartbroken I became this morning when Zara came knocking on my door and said "Kak Ya, Dimitri died".

I was in total shock, and I tried forgetting about that while I was studying today. I guess I was in denial the whole day. And I did manage to forget.

But during lunch it hit me that he wasn't going to be around again and when I told Liyana that Dimitri died, the tears started rolling down. Yeah, I cried in the Monash cafe. Luckily it was just the two of us at the time.

And when I got home just now and realised that he will never be there to greet me again whenever I get home, the tears came again.

Everyone in the house is feeling the loss. Even my dad texted me and said he couldn't believe that Dimitri died.

I still can't believe that my baby boy's gone.

I love you, baby and I am going to miss you so, so much. ='(

I hate the fact that when I raise my voice, I can reduce people to tears.

Life. Death. Everything In Between.

This is the grave of my brother, who was stillborn 18 years ago.

It's an open secret in my family. Everyone knows about it, but we rather not talk about it. Like whenever my parents get the chance to go back to Newcastle, we all know that they'll visit Azzim's grave.

This picture, which was taken on my parents' trip to England in April, and some others taken on the trip, are the only pictures that I've ever seen of the grave. I've never been to the grave myself.

I never thought about it, but after looking at the pictures, I know it must have been devastating for my parents to lose a child. My mum was eight months along, if I'm not mistaken, and just one day, the baby stopped breathing. I think I would have broken down if that happened to me. And to know that it happened to my own mother makes me wonder about my mum's strength.

My parents didn't stop trying. And exactly three years to the date of the loss of one son, my mum gave birth to my (only!!!) brother, Alias Iskandar Ashraf bin Azani on the 27th November 1994, who is healthy, and is doing his PMR right now. =)

Amazing coincidence? I don't think so. I feel like it was more like God's way of saying that instead of forever mourning the loss of one son, my parents should celebrate the life of another.

Oh yeah, I've always been fascinated with the name Afdzal Mikhail. I know that is what I'll name my baby boy. And it's interesting that the initials Afdzal Mikhail is the same as Azzim Malik, and funnily enough, Malik & Mikhail are both names of angels. The similarities didn't occur to me until I saw the pictures of the graves. So yeah, if I were to have a baby boy, his name will definitely be simlar to Azzim.

Coincidence again? Let's just say it was serendipity. =)

Prevention is better than cure.

My last cervical cancer vaccine jab, July 2008. Lol.

I've never been the biggest fan of our government. Sometimes I feel like they tend to talk the walk rather than actually walking the walk.

But I am totally advocating their move for Cervical Cancer Vaccination for 13-year-old Girls (from The Star).

I guess this is something that's quite close to heart for me because I got the vaccine jabs last year. And I remembered that my dad spent around RM400 per shot for Anis and I, and each one of us needed THREE shots. So yeah, prevention is WAS pricey.

The Star's article mentions that the Government will be spending RM150 million annually for the three jabs. Frankly speaking, I think it won't be a waste of the government's money, considering that:

• Cervical cancer is the second most common cancer among females in Malaysia after breast cancer
• The incidence of this cancer is 11.6 per 100,000 populations, with the age standardized rate of 16.2 per 100,000.
• It is estimated that approximately 440,000 new cases of cervical cancers occur worldwide annually, and 80% of these cancers occur in developing and undeveloped countries.
• The association of HPV (the organism that causes cancer of the cervix) with cervical cancer is very high, much higher than the association of tobacco smoking and lung cancer.
• The younger the age of the woman in indulging in sexual activity the higher is her risk to get HPV infection.

So yeah, although there are cases such as where a British girl dies after being vaccinated, the fact that the government is taking action by giving the vaccination to these girls when it would probably cost around RM1000 per person to do it privately is definitely something to be proud of.

Hence, even though I'm not directly affected by this news, I'm happy that the government has decided to introduce this vaccination program.

But I do wonder, since they are now supplying 13-year-old girls with these vaccines, do older girls get subsidies for the jabs? I mean, it would be so unfair if these girls are forced to pay so much just because they are older, especially for the girls coming from families that aren't so well-off.

Oh well. At least now I know that when I start paying income tax next year, at least I can tell myself that they may be using my money to cover the vaccine expenses. Lol.

And I just realised that this vaccination program cements the fact that yes, we women are high-maintenance. But not by choice. We were just born that way. Hahaha.

Popularity

I've never been a fan of stereotyping cause I've never conformed to any stereotype.

I mean, I wasn't nerdy enough to be the nerd, wasn't smart enough to be the genius, wasn't pretty enough to be the popular one, wasn't cool enough to be cool.

People never knew how to classify me. In fact, if you ask my classmates from school last time, when it comes to describing me they would usually just say "The smart budak lompat". Lol.

It took me some time, but I'm comfortable with being who I am right now. Like a friend of mine said, I've gone through my Mia Thermopolis moment. Lol.

My friends and I have never been in the popular clique but that was what exactly gave us the freedom for us to evolve, find ourselves and become the people that we are now. Quoting Ine, "We've changed for the better". So true. =)

So it baffles us that sometimes we see all these people who are still trying to hold on to their former popularity and people who would do just about anything to please the supposedly popular clique just so that they would become popular.

When you think about it, at our age right now, we're supposed to be adults. So sometimes I really wonder, is it really necessary to please people who might forget you two years down the road when you can spend those time improving yourself?

I'm not saying I've never tried pleasing these people. Believe me, I've tried. It's just too exhausting and pointless.

So now I've come to a conclusion that it's better to just be honest with yourself, do things that satisfies yourself and just surround yourself with people who you have seen you at your best and your worst.

But then again, some people might find self-satisfaction in being popular, so if that's the case, I have nothing else to say.

I guess in the end it's a case of to each his/her own. But maybe it's time for some of these people to wake up, think of themselves first and stop thinking about how to impress others.